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True Crime on Wrist to Forehead Sunday

Well, my wrist is really on my forehead today.   In a dramatic pose as I swoon on the sofa, of course.

This was me in a melodrama. I was quite dramatic.

The true wrist-to-forehead pose is leaned back, eyes skyward if they’re even open, as I said, about to swoon, backwards.  I read somewhere that people always faint forward, that is one way you can tell if they are faking it.  However, I think if you are already leaning back you would continue to do so.  I have not had occasion to test the theory.

So far this post seems not to be about the title.

Even the re-runs are pretty good.

We are watching Snapped, one of my favorites.  Unfortunately, or perhaps I should say fortunately, we are talking and talking and not watching so much.  Fortunately, because it is fun to chat with people.  Unfortunately, because I am not making a very good blog post.

Well, what are Sundays for, anyways?  To sit around dreading Monday? What a waste of time! To prepare for the upcoming week?  As if I ever did anything that together!  To enjoy what’s left of the weekend?  There’s a goal I can get behind!

So I am going to get off WordPress and get back to enjoying my conversation, true crime show, and Sunday evening.  Perhaps I can find a picture to leave you with.  Something wrist-to-forehead-ish?  Something true-crime-ish?  Something conversation-with-friends-ish?  Or maybe just a monster for laughs?

“I still don’t know why they asked me to be in this blog post.”

 

 

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Crime for Christmas

Thank God for Snapped on Oxygen!  There I was, listening to Christmas music while trying to get presents together, and all of a sudden I just couldn’t take the Christmas!  I wanted murder!  Oh dear, that didn’t sound very good, did it?  I was going to post this as my Facebook status when I thought it might do for a blog post.  Perhaps it is too macabre and unseasonal a thought for either venue.

So this was going to be a Scattered Saturday post, or perhaps a brief shout-out to Heidelberg Bakery, where I went first thing this morning. It’s just going to be one of those Posts About Why I Can’t Write a Post Today.   I think my post-Christmas letdown came early, so folks who are still high on the fa-la-la might want to skip this one.

Christmas Eve used to be my favorite day of the year.  I realized today that this is no longer the case.  And, you know what?  As soon as I typed those last two sentences, I no longer wanted to kvetch.  Why should I rain on everybody else’s holidays?  That’s more of a job for Ben’s Bitter Blog.  I wouldn’t like to horn in on his territory, although there might yet be room in the bitter pond, even with the incredible number already there.

The fact is, writing is working its usual magic.  Putting words on the keyboard (paper works, too) is putting me in a better mood.  I DO love Christmas!  And I love Christmas Eve! And I love watching true crime shows!  I’m going to write a murder mystery that takes place at Christmas-time.  In the meantime, Merry Christmas to all my readers, or Happy Hanukkah, or Happy Saturday.  I hope your December 24 is grand.

(Although I guess my WordPress site is going to say this was posted on the 25th.  I am always off kilter.)

 

Cheesy TV

Here is a new feature I recently came up with: Cheesy TV. Regular readers know how I love to write about cheesy movies. Well, they are not always easy to come by. However, I am discovering a whole world of cheese on cable television.

I have a long-standing addiction to true crime shows. I prefer a real documentary where they cover the facts of the case. I despise re-enactments. I find they are always cheesy and usually unnecessary. However, as re-enactment fests take over my true crime channels, I occasionally tune in to one. And I find they sometimes have a charm all their own. The dialogue in the re-enactments, which is often supposed to play like they’re being overheard, is laughable. The acting is of the scenery chewing variety. And when they show a photo of the actual people, you see the casting director had a very flattering idea of their attractiveness.

I almost feel I should include a spoiler alert, because this episode did not turn out as I expected. However, I also feel I can treat a true crime show, however cheesy, differently from now I treat a cheesy movie. I will also point out that I was paying my usual desultory attention to this one. They may actually have said who was going to end up dead and I missed it.

I will preface this essay by saying: Nobody deserves to be murdered. I suppose there are those who will dispute that statement, but I am not going there today. I would like to talk about a murder victim who, I feel, could have avoided the situation in which the murder took place. I intend to comment on this, and on the cheesy nature of the program which presented the case. I fear sounding insensitive, since an actual person did, in fact, die. Sorry about that.

OK, on with the write-up. Steven and I watched one of the cheesier crime shows on Investigation Discovery: Deadly Affairs. This one is narrated by the divine Susan Lucci, which I feel make it a cut above the rest.

Lucci presents to us a guy who has a girlfriend who is really a guy. They are off again/on again, because the guy is a serial cheater. Then they go on again and move to this cowboy town where the guy insists his lover live as a man and they keep their love affair a secret.

Soon the Guy is having an affair with a hot single mother. At first she doesn’t mind that he has a boyfriend, then she does, so he sends the boyfriend packing.

As soon as the Girl moves in, she discovers the Guy is a control freak. After many public screaming matches (all we see is a fairly hilarious fight about him telling her what order to hang her clothes in), they break up. The Guy can’t stand being alone, so he gets the Boyfriend back by telling him he can live as a woman and they can get married.

However, the Girl did not think they were permanently broken up, and she is not happy with this development. She follows them around, announcing in a loud voice that the fiance is really a man. She even has the nerve to crash their wedding. Naturally the Guy starts having sex with her again. Any slimy hound dog serial cheater would. But he makes no move to get rid of his new wife. Tensions escalate.

Of course I’ve been thinking all this time that Boyfriend/Wife is going to get it, probably from the Girl, because the narration keeps talking about jealousy. Imagine my surprise.

The Girl is out drinking one night and gets all maudlin talking about how she wants to “make amends.” Those are the exact words, used several times. If only she can see the Guy without his Boyfriend/Wife, she can “make amends.” So she goes over to their house at two in the morning.

Hello! Who goes over to somebody’s house at two in the morning and expects the wife NOT to be there? And if you really want to “make amends,” it is a better plan to wait till a decent hour of broad daylight and, for example, SEND FLOWERS! Maybe write a nice note. A conciliatory phone call.

The story is that the Boyfriend/Wife beats the poor Girl to death while the husband is sound asleep upstairs. Did you buy that? I didn’t. I don’t know what went down, and I don’t think the producers of this show did, either. I think they picked the version they liked best, and I’m kind of glad they did, because it certainly gave me something to write about.

I can believe the Girl SAID she wanted to make amends, but I don’t believe that is really what she had in mind. And I sure as hell don’t believe that the horn dog that started it all slept through a beat-down of that magnitude.

Really, when I think about it, it is a very sad story. That Girl did not deserve to be murdered and buried in the desert (oh yeah, I left that part out) (the post is getting a little long). I think what she needed to do to begin with was to find a classier guy to set her sights on. Same goes for the Boyfriend/Wife, although I lost a whole lot of sympathy for him when I found out he was a murderer.

But it is a fun show to watch. Susan Lucci pops up a couple of times looking delicious in an evening gown, about to go out on the town with a hottie who, presumably, does not plan to murder her. Lacking cheesy movies and sometimes time to watch a whole movie, I will continue to embrace cheesy television.

In Praise of Unpleasant

I came across that phrase in the TV Journal the other day. I had noted it as a potential blog title, and today I find it appropriate for a Middle-aged Musings Monday.

We were watching one of my beloved true crime shows. It was my favorite kind: a case which had been covered in another program. I like to see if they show different aspects of the case. Or if their reenactments are as cheesy (who am I kidding? Reenactments are ALWAYS cheesy).

In this case, a woman kited checks and killed her husband to avoid unpleasantness.

Seriously, she kited checks to cover bad checks and created a huge financial mess, because it would have been unpleasant to deal with the first bad checks. She did not divorce her abusive husband, because it would have been unpleasant to air their dirty laundry in public.

Excuse me, what? What kind of funky, psychedelic rose-colored glasses did this woman wear that she didn’t think all this crap was going to eventually catch up with her? And where can I buy a pair?

I suppose, like Scarlett O’Hara, she said, “I’ll think about it tomorrow.” Of course, a lot of times when Scarlett said this, she was working her but off today and she really did have too much on her mind. There is something to be said for sleeping on your problems, seeing if things look better in the morning, letting our thoughts marinade.

But, oh yeah, we’re not talking about the pause that refreshes. We’re talking about fraud and murder to avoid unpleasantness.

We all know we cannot avoid unpleasantness indefinitely. By facing unpleasantness head-on, we are more likely to come up with solutions to our problems. For example, talking to the bank and paying overdraft fees. Talking to a divorce attorney. Then things may eventually become — all together now — pleasant.

Oh dear. All of a sudden I’m afraid I sound like some 20-year-old spouting a cliche like it’s a wise insight that none of the rest of you peons have caught onto yet. There are columnists like that. I’ve read them in disgust.

Oh well, at least this may set me up for a future Middle-aged Musing. When I say it, it’s an insight. When you say it, it’s just a trifle obvious. When that other one says it, it’s a trite cliche. It could be a pleasant post to write. In that case, it will do no harm to put it off.