RSS Feed

Tag Archives: depression

About Politics

I was too depressed to make a blog post last night. I thought of making a post about that but was halted by the thought, “My mother will read this!” I do not want her to worry. I know, she will read those too sentences. But I felt I should mention that this post is late and why.

One reason I am quite depressed is the same reason many people are depressed: politics. I try to stay off politics in this blog. For one reason, I try to be upbeat, a booster for the area, as my subheading says, a “totally fun blog.” Politics is rarely fun.

The main reason I dislike talking about politics, and this is perhaps a cowardly reason, is that people who disagree with me will express their opinions, often in a hurtful, disparaging way. Because of my depression, I am likely to interpret arguments as disparaging and hurtful even if they are not meant that way, but these days many people feel free to insult and belittle those that disagree with them.

I am no hand at argument. I cannot think of the right thing to say till well after I have responded, even when I have had time to think about it in the first place. Usually I never come up with the right words. The other side always wins, and my side of the argument is poorly represented. So by expressing my opinion, I am not changing hearts and minds but merely giving the other side a forum for express their opinion.

This raises a couple of thoughts in my mind. First: Isn’t that the point of the First Amendment? Robust argument? Everybody gets a chance to talk? By expressing all ideas we will eventually arrive at the best ideas? This is, of course, the ideal. And I think many in this country have lost sight of that ideal. Many people do not listen to arguments with thought, looking for the truth or what part they might agree with. They are just waiting their turn to talk (if they do not interrupt).

Second, and this is another depressing one: Maybe I always lose the argument because my opinions are wrong. SAY IT AIN’T SO!!! In the first place, I do not believe my opinions are wrong, because they are well thought out, based on by own observation and experience and education. Additionally, my opinions are shared by many people who I respect. There may be places where I could modify my opinions or seek compromise on what I think is he best think to do. I must bear this in mind when I read others’ opinions. That is a timely reminder for me.

I am feeling less depressed as I type this (with ten fingers on the laptop this time, by the way). Just Writing often helps, of course. Additionally, I feel happy to have expressed myself. And if anybody wants to argue my points in the comments, feel free. I know none of my regular readers would express themselves in a hurtful, disparaging way, even if that is the point of the First Amendment.

Late Post Friday

Here I am once again, typing in a post (OK, picking out one letter at a time with the stylus) early on the morning after I was supposed to make said post. Yes, they are only my rules for me, but I feel I should follow them a little better than I do. But never mind that: on with the post.

I am still figuring out this new editor and somehow put these two vaguely related photos here. I daresay I could get rid of them easily enough, but I prefer to just go with it.

The picture on the left is Pete’s Tavern, on North Main Street in Herkimer, NY. The one on the right is Herkimer County Courthouse, further up Main at my beloved Historic Four Corners.

Next annoying thing about this new editor: I can’t see my word count as I go. How will I know when I reach my goal of 200 words? Shall I count them, as I did back in my pre-computer school days? Let us not resort to drastic measures.

This is turning into a Non-Sequitur Post, as I accidentally choose another photo and go with it. This is the Rose of Sharon from our backyard. I need to do some yard work this weekend. That might make a better blog post.

I am just going to admit here that I am fighting another bout of depression. I hesitate to say so, because my mother reads this blog and I do not want her to worry. Then, too, I can hear some people saying, “Poor pitiful you! Stop whining already!” Oh wait, that is my inner critic. But perhaps she has a point. A cup of coffee, a good run. I’ll be fine.

And I will strive to make my Saturday blog post on Saturday .

Is This a Blog Post to be Happy About?

I guess this is going to be a Tired Tuesday post.  It’s Tuesday.  I’m tired.  But one must keep one’s spirits up.  At least, I am trying to do so.  For the main reason, I feel I should not be a burden on others with my anxiety and depression.

Earlier today I went for a walk to the post office.  I took my Tablet with me, thinking to take some cheerful spring pictures.  Alas, the wind blew coldly and I was disinclined to make any stops.  I was skeptical of my ability to get good pictures in any case.

Oh dear, this is not a cheerful post, despite my best intentions.  Well, we are many of us struggling with our emotions these days.  These days have such a weird, unnatural quality,  and the future is impossible to predict.  Additionally,  I am feeling a great amount of guilt about how little I am accomplishing during this period of enforced inactivity.

However, it does me no good to dwell on these negative thoughts.  What did I just say in the first paragraph about keeping my spirits up?  Yes, I am trying to do so.

One thing I can feel kind of sort of happy about is that I have made a blog post.  Perhaps not one of my best, but one cannot always meet the highest standard, can one?  Or can one?  Could I in fact meet the highest standard every day if I tried?  Discuss amongst yourselves.

 

Trying for a Smile on Throwback Thursdsy

How about a nice Throwback Thursday post?  I hope I do not use pictures I have used too recently, but they will be pictures I have used before.  And there is a good chance I will say the same things about them.  Maybe I can think of something new.  Let’s see.

One of the all time greatest casts I have worked with!

I went back to March 2017 and found this gem.  It is the cast of Leading Ladies, the play I directed for Ilion Little Theatre in the spring of 2016.  Perhaps you read a few of my blog posts about it.  I SO look forward to getting together with my theatre friends again!

There’s trouble at the speakeasy!

This picture was also in March 2017, and is also from a wonderful theatrical experience, Rubbed Out At Ruby’s, an interactive murder mystery I wrote.  We were scheduled to present it again in April as  fundraiser for RCIL, but, alas, it has been postponed.

At least he looks relaxed!

This was the first picture I noticed, of our much missed late pooch, Spunky.  I wasn’t going to use it, because I thought it would make me feel too sad.  Then thinking about theatre experiences past and not knowing when I will have more…

Come, come, this will never do.  I do not mean to make a blog post purely to moan and groan about how depressed I feel!  That won’t help anybody.  Let me see what is in March 2018.

Yikes!

Here’s some theatrics that may bring a smile!  We were making a DVD on the Right to Bare Arms, for the Herkimer County Historical Society to use at a Celebrity Roast for Marc Butler in 2015.  It was great fun.

That is what I strive to do: keep a smile on my face.  There really is a lot to smile about.  The other stuff I can’t really do much about.  At least I can keep making my daily post!

 

I Left Out Play Solitaire

On the brighter side, it has been a long time since I had a really bad headache.  On the dimmer side, well, here I am on Thursday morning, typing in my Wednesday post.  I actually wrote something Wednesday morning.  It kind of took a turn, so I was not going to use it, but now I find it appropriate.  We can either call it Mid-Week Middle-aged Musings or, perhaps more appropriately, Wuss-out Wednesday.

I must write my update on Brainstorming the Bard.  It might serve as inspiration for me to get my act together and perhaps as comfort to other disorganized people, that they are not alone or even the worst.

Alas, it is not only lack of organization that plagues me.  It is the paralysis of will that I fear is a symptom of my depression. In short, I am finding it damn difficult to do ANYTHING.

I get up in the morning, feeling rather ill-used about it, but most of us are used to that.  I get to work and manage to function (my job is not difficult).  I go home and sometimes manage a chore or two (Just Do One Thing is my meager motto).  But all I really want to do is sit, stare into space, maybe read a book, do a puzzle, crochet or knit while watching a true crime show.

At least the last mentioned  will eventually result in an object that may be useful to someone, but these are not activities that will help me reach any of my life goals.

That is when I stopped writing and began to work on a puzzle, till it was time to go to work.  And now I am over 250 words, so I have that going for me.  That is a thing I have been saying lately.  As in tomorrow’s Friday, so I have that going for me.  Ah, I feel a wave of optimism coming over me:  in truth, I have a lot of things going for me.  Full disclosure:  this reflection does not always help.  As I may have mentioned before, sometimes when I think of all the good things in my life, it makes me feel worse, because how can I dare feel depressed, ungrateful wretch that I am.  Today, I feel grateful.  I think it is going to be a good day.  I will try to blog about it tonight, if my headache doesn’t come back.

 

Merry Christmas Anyways

I wonder if anybody has noticed that I have not posted since Sunday.  I have no valid excuse.  I have a few lame ones but I am loathe to share them, largely because my mother reads this blog and I don’t want her to worry.  Ooh, too late now, unless I delete this paragraph.

I can’t do that.  I haven’t posted for three days; I can’t get the type-it-in-backspace-it-out disease now.

However, it seems I can possibly get the hit-Save-but-don’t-Publish-it disease.  I confess to having a few atrophied partial posts floating in my Drafts.  Every so often I pull one out and try to finish it.  No luck so far.

So basically, what I am offering today is Yet Another Post About Being Unable To Make A Decent Blog Post.  Could that possibly be worth a three day wait?  You tell me.

The main reason I have not been able to post is my ongoing struggles with depression.  I dislike mentioning it, because I do not want to be whining, especially as I feel my problems are far less than what others deal with.  Incidentally,  the latter reflection makes me feel even worse.  What an ungrateful wretch am I!

However, perhaps other readers also suffer from depression, and they might like to feel that they are not alone.  They may even get a frisson of superiority if they are dealing with their problems with greater aplomb than I can muster.  Remember: no life is wasted, because one can always stand as a bad example.

In summary:  I have not been posting lately, because I have felt paralyzed by my depression.  However, it is nothing for anybody to worry about, should anybody feel so inclined.  This will probably just morph over into a common or garden post-Christmas letdown. I have survived those before.

On the brighter side (see, I can usually find one of those), once I hit Publish,  I have finally made a blog post.  Phew!  I was getting worried that not posting was going to become a habit.

 

Sweat Gets In Your Eyes

You know, like that blues song, “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes”?  I often think of that when I run so decided to use it as a title for today’s Running Commentary post.

I ran five days in a row then took yesterday off. I was disinclined to run this morning but knew it would be a good idea.  For one reason,  my depression has been kicking my butt lately.  I just feel so sad and down!  Of course, there are many reasons for sadness, in the world and in my life, but sometimes what I feel is is out of proportion.  But one must not give way to despair.  Exercise is a potent antidepressant.  I got myself ready and went.

One way I got myself out the door was to plan a short, easy run.  Not very far, not very fast, I thought.  This would be great.

And it wasn’t bad.  My legs are getting into pretty good shape; they pump right along with few or no complaints.   I stuck to my plan for a 25 minute run, although I actually ran for 26.  Bonus points!  My mood was at its best when I paused to pet a nice dog.

As I walked my cool-down,  a lady came up behind me, walking at a brisk pace, obviously for exercise.  I got out of the way.

“You’re faster than me,” I said.  “I ran, this is my cool-down.”

When she said she didn’t run, I remarked that she was obviously doing something right, because she looked terrific.  She returned the compliment but went on to say she didn’t believe in running.

“It’s bad for your feet, your knees and your back.”

“I know,” I said, “but I love it.”

She said she didn’t understand that at all but told me to keep up the good work.

“You too,” I said, as she handily out-paced me.  I continued my cool-down walk,  blinking against the sweat in my eyes.

The run did improve my mood, as does getting a blog post published this early in the day.  Will I publish again and be one less post behind?  A little uncertainty adds interest to my day.

 

Mid-Week Mood

It’s the type-it-in-backspace-it-out disease.  I grit my teeth (metaphorically speaking; I live in danger of cracked teeth on account of my unfortunate dental grinding at night) and try to keep typing.  Welcome to another Wuss-out Wednesday post.

What I kept backspacing out was any mention of the down mood that has been plaguing me.  I hate to mention it, because what the blankety-blank do I have to complain about?  The stern voice inside me says, “Just quit whining and get on with things.” Alas, I do not respond well to such bracing treatment.

On the other hand, perhaps some of my readers have down moods and might like to feel that they are not alone.  When somebody tells me they are in a down mood, I usually respond with sympathy.  Why do I not treat myself with such gentleness?  Ah, that calls for some half-baked philosophy more suitable to Lame Post Friday.

There’s a director who got into his work.

I thought a random silly picture would pep things up.  It also cheers me up.  Who could be uncheered by William Castle?   What other pictures can I find?  I’ll check my Media Library.

But sometimes I am piddle puttering.

Here’s another bit of silliness,  given to me by my sister Cheryl.

This is not exactly a monster picture

I add this not because it is silly, but because it is a good reason for me to keep making posts, however foolish they may be.  Maybe I’ll close with something silly, though.

Who, me? Silly? SAY IT AIN’T SO!!!

I’m in a better mood now.  As always,  thank you for tuning in.

 

The Joy of Ten Finger Typing

Typing with ten fingers is the BOMB!  Or is the proper expression “da BOMB”?  Well, it is the only bomb I have going for myself so far, because typing before coffee is not so great, and typing in fear my laptop is going to click off is pretty sad.  Why, oh why, did I not purchase a battery when the fellow at that store which I will NOT plug wrote down what I needed?  But there is no point in lamenting the past.  On with the present late post!

Is this a late Wuss-out Wednesday or an early Non-Sequitur Thursday?  It is only the latter if I fail to make a post later in the day.  No promises, as I often say.  Yesterday was not a horrible day, but I ended it with a backache and a headache and a disinclination to do anything at all.  Actually, I had a pleasant evening watching a couple of crime shows we had DVR’d with my husband Steven.  I also crocheted an afghan.  The shows were Dateline and 48 Hours, if anybody was wondering.  Tonight is 20/20 night on OWN, so I have plans for later.

In the meantime, what to talk about now?  As I took my shower earlier, I was feeling down yet thinking I ought not to make another blog post about it.  For one reason, my mother reads this blog, and I don’t want her to worry.  More importantly, it’s getting old.  I can say that now, because the joy of ten-finger typing has me up again!

And over 250 words.  Score!  And thank you, laptop, for cooperating!  Happy Wednesday/Thursday, everyone!

 

Another Blogger’s Sad Day

Watch the local news, I said, while I do my blog post.  Then we’ll watch something else together.  Oh am I sorry I ever did that.  I cannot do a silly Friday Lame Post now.  I don’t know if I can do a coherent blog post at all.  But you know me, I’m going to type in something and I’ll probably make a joke or two, however inappropriate they may feel.

The lead story on WKTV News was a house fire in Herkimer, NY (where I live) in which three children died.  What a terrible tragedy.  The next story was also about a fire.  No people died, but before I could feel any relief about that, I heard that the pets were lost.   That was when Steven changed the channel and put it on Snapped: Killer Couples.  It’s not my favorite, but it is less depressing.

Well, here is a topic for some half-baked philosophy, in which I often indulge on Lame Post Friday.  Why is murder less depressing than accidental death?  The murder victim is rarely asking for it, in any sense of the expression.  In fact, sometimes I feel very sad about the person who dies.  But it feels more remote.  It feels like I’m only hearing a story, especially on what I call the re-enactment-fests.  Still, it is a true story.

OK, Steven just got fed up with Killer Couples and especially with the Previews of Even More Disturbing Coming Attractions.  He put it on Judge Mathis.  I guess we’re both still pretty perturbed.  Full disclosure:  I’ve been feeling down all week, and I have no reason to feel down, so I am not looking for sympathy, go ahead and play that miniature violin for me.  But I am going to wrap up one of my most blah posts ever.  I’ll hope for a better day tomorrow.