I went running this morning and intended to make a Running Commentary post, even though I recently did one. I say no matter about that. I’m training for a 5K; this blog may become All Reindeer Run All The Time. I felt pretty good after the run, and not too awful during it. Yay me! I think the fresh air/Times Square helped my headache (Steven and I rarely say “fresh air” without adding “Times Square”). But I ran into a big wall of Do Nothingism.
The fact is that lately my depression has been completely kicking my butt. Others who suffer from depression will understand: there are many things we can do for ourselves that may help. When in the throes of depression it is VERY DIFFICULT to do ANYTHING. Oh, go ahead and judge me if you want. I know a lot of people think depression is a made-up thing and we could get better if only we would. Sometimes I feel that way myself and I can tell you it does not help. Ooh, I’m seeing a definite parallel between depression and writer’s block, and not just because it is also difficult to write when depressed. But that is a topic for another post.
Where was I? Ah yes, sitting at my laptop, NOT making a Running Commentary post. As I thought in a vague sort of way about my running and the Reindeer Run 5K, I remembered that I printed out but had not yet filled out and mailed my registration. I find it helps me meet my weight loss goals to walk and run on the same day. Additionally, exercise is a well-known and underused anti-depressant. I found that form and filled it out!
And immediately found that I was entirely correct to wait until today to fill it out. They wanted to know my age. It’s my birthday! Oh well, I’m not bumping up an age group, so I suppose it doesn’t make a BIG difference. Still, it felt kind of cool to write my new age down. It’s the little things. Putting the form and check into an envelope, I had another decision to make. To put stickers on the envelope or not? I had to do something, because the glue on the envelope didn’t work any more. Scotch tape would be more professional. Then I thought how the nice people at Mohawk Valley Living magazine always put stickers on the envelopes they send me. So I thought, oh heck, it might brighten someone’s day.
It started raining almost as soon as I started out. Oh well, it rained on my run, too. As I always say, I ain’t sugar, I won’t melt. I was dressed warm enough for the cold. After I left the post office, I decided to continue walking for a full half hour. I read somewhere that a half-hour walk is equivalent to 50 mg of Zoloft. I have no idea if that is true or not, but at least it burns some calories.
As I walked, I felt that this is what November should be: grey and cold. It certainly suited my mood, which, ironically enough, made me feel better. Maybe not so ironically. Sometimes the worst part of depression is feeling that you ought to be feeling a different way. You think of all the reasons you have to be happy, then you don’t feel happy, so you feel you are the biggest, most ungrateful putz there ever was. So I did not list my reasons for happiness (yes, I have some). Instead I looked around at the gloomy day and just kind of enjoyed it.
The rain stopped, started again, stopped again, then started again as snow. Whatever. My face got cold, but I tucked my hands into my sleeves, and everything else was covered. I ended up walking over a half hour. I was feeling better about things as I finished my walk. After all, I did two things: I registered for the run and I took a walk. Ooh, and I made my blog post. Let’s see if I can find something else to do. Perhaps it will form the topic of tomorrow’s blog post. As always, I hope you’ll stay tuned.