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Category Archives: writing

No Boot Straps on Wuss-out Wednesday

I am having the damnedest time writing and have for the longest time.  I think to myself, “I love to write!”  But all I want to do is puzzles, primarily cryptograms with a few others thrown in.  I thought to myself today, this is a symptom of depression:  you like to do something, you know it will help you to do it, and you don’t do it. What the hell, me?

The thought came into my mind, “People who have not experienced it cannot understand the mind-numbing, paralyzing, utter inability…”  I don’t remember how the thought ended, but I immediately felt I could not put such a thought into a blog post.  Nobody would buy it, I thought.  They will tell me to stop being such a whiny baby, and maybe they are right.

I am going through a few things, but let’s face it: We all have problems and many people have far worse ones than mine.  As I have mentioned before, I suffer from depression.  I don’t like to write it or say it, because it sounds like I am asking for sympathy or making an excuse.  And it feels as if I have exposed something private and secret I would really, really rather not talk about.  Some people do not “believe in” depression.  They feel it is a made-up problem and I need to just stop whining and pull myself up by those boot straps they’re always talking about.

Only I rarely wear boots and the ones I have don’t have straps.

Then again, not whining is not a bad start.  I cannot pull myself up by my bootstraps (and what a hoary cliche that is, anyways), but there are things I can do to make myself feel better.  I will try to do some of them.  For example, starting on a better blog post for tomorrow.  We’ll call this one a Wuss-out Wednesday and drive on.

 

The Vagaries of Non-Sequitur Thursday

Well, now I’ve done it.  I sat here stressing over the fact that I CAN’T WRITE A POST TODAY (said in a dramatic voice, with a wrist to my forehead), and my sweet husband, Steven said that he wished I would not put myself through posting every day.  I said, “It’s just because I have rehearsal tonight.  I just have to stop doing PLAYS!”  Oh yeah, like that’s going to happen!

Thus adjured, I put my fingers on the keyboard and started typing.  I can’t stop posting every day, it’s what I do.  But I can’t let my husband feel upset because I am stressed.  So, as of right now, I am not stressed.  About the blog, at least.  I mean, let’s start small.

I just paused to eat a very delicious dinner that Steven fixed.  He really is a most satisfactory husband.

Earlier today I was pondering the vagaries of writing.  I have been having a difficult time lately, but earlier I sat down and wrote a page of dialog with very little problem.  It was part of Rubbed Out at Ruby’s, the interactive murder mystery LiFT Theatre Company is presenting at the Overlook Mansion in Little Falls in — yikes! –just a couple of weeks.  I thought to myself, “I can’t write, I can’t write, I can’t write, I sit down and write.”  For some reason I can’t just skip to the last step.

I just know that some of you are sitting there smirking, “Well, have you TRIED?”  Yes, I have.  In fact, most of the time I want to have at least a couple more rounds of “I can’t write, I can’t write” before “I sit down and write,” but I somehow manage to write.  Like right now.  Then again, perhaps that is not the best example, since this is just another of my foolish posts about I Can’t Write a Post Today.  Then again (I can have as many “again”s as I want; it’s not like “on the other hand,” where most of us only have two hands), today is Non-Sequitur Thursday.  If I can think of a punchy headline, I’m all set.

Hope to see you all on Lame Post Friday.

 

Steven and Me and Bobby McGee

I’ve been sitting here staring at the blank screen and half watching a re-run of Reba, and I feel completely unable to write a blog post.  Now Reba is over and Steven has found an episode of Snapped on Reelz.  I have to leave for rehearsal for Steel Magnolias (at Ilion Little Theatre, remember?)  in about an hour.  Oh, crap, and I have to curl my hair.  They’re taking head shots again.  I hate having my picture taken!

So I’m having a kind of a mental meltdown.  How embarrassing.  I am such a huge baby! In my defense… OK, I have no defense.  I had a migraine today, but it wasn’t all that bad of a migraine.  I made it through work.  It kind of went away when I drove to New Hartford for a doctor’s appointment.  Now it’s back.  So what?  Many people have headaches.  They take an aspirin and drive on.

Speaking of driving on, the Mohawk Valley weather has been living up to its “wait five minutes” reputation today.  When I drove to and from my appointment, the snow came down like it meant business.  The roads weren’t too bad, but they were wet and no doubt would get worse.  Yikes!  I got back to work and the sun came out.  A beautiful afternoon!  Swell!  The snow dumped down again as I drove home. OK, whatever.  The sun has come and gone twice since I’ve been home.  Go home, February, you’re drunk!

AAAAAAaaaand I just remembered: it is Non-Sequitur Thursday.  All I have to do is think of a catchy headline that doesn’t have anything to do with this foolish post and I’m done.  And, yes, I did feel I needed all those a’s in the first word of this paragraph.

 

Monday Mental Muck

Well, I would have a Monday Mental Meanderings post, but my brain is mired in the muck (just to alliterate a little further).  Seriously, my thought processes seem to have slowed down almost to a halt.  In fact, they may be moving backwards.  Oh dear.

There.  I just took a break and read a couple of blogs. I don’t know how I thought that was going to help, but I thought it couldn’t hurt and it is the only chance I will have to read any blogs before tomorrow night.  I have rehearsal tonight.  I know, I know, it is not yet time for this blog to become All Steel Magnolias All The Time.  That time will come much closer to production, I hope.

Here is my problem:  I can’t write.

I know, I know, one must be merciless in the matter of mood (I think that is a quote, but I do not remember who said it.  I hope I do not have it exactly right as it might constitute plagiarism) (which some say is the sincerest form of flattery).  Well, here I am, aren’t I?  I’m at the keyboard, typing away and, as you can see, nothing very good is coming out.   Could this be Wrist to Forehead Monday?

Earlier today I tried to write.  It did not work out very well at all.  Not one word made it from brain to paper.   And you can clearly see not much brain is at work in the words I’m typing here.  This may be my worst post about I Can’t Write a Post Today yet (I’ve labeled some “Why I Can’t Write a Post Today” and some “How I Can’t Write a Post Today,” but I feel that today the how and why eludes me).

 

Not Really Like a Real Writer

I actually started writing a blog post while on break at work today.  It was a Running Commentary about my run on Sunday.  I had written almost half a page and hadn’t even gotten on the road yet when break ended.  While I worked, I thought of a way better lead than what I had.  Cool beans, I thought.  I’m editing and everything, just like a real writer!  At the next break, I skipped a line and started to write the new lead.

No, wait, that wasn’t what I had thought.  No, this is a better way to say it.  No, don’t put it that way….

So I spent the rest of the break solving cryptogram puzzles I cut out of the Telegram.

On the other hand, it is Middle-aged Musing Monday or perhaps Mental Meanderings Monday, in other words, a day I sometimes let myself off the hook.  It occurs to me that I am spending entirely too much time off the hook lately, but I am not sure how to fix the problem.  I keep trying to jump back on the hook and missing.  What an awkward metaphor, anyway, “on the hook.”  What am I, a pirate?

I know, I know:  the answer first, last and always is to just keep writing.  After I publish this nonsense, I shall work on another project.  Then I might even take another crack at that Running Commentary.

Hey, I just remembered something else.  This is a three day week for me, so although it is Monday, it is kind of like Wednesday, because, you know, I only have two more days of work.  Wuss-out Wednesday!  Oh, I know, that doesn’t make it any better.  Just wait till tomorrow, when it’ll be Tuesday and Wednesday AND Thursday!  Sometimes I just have to laugh at myself.

 

But I Like Writing a Blog

Oh, this is swell!  I had to get 12 Likes on the bit of nonsense I published yesterday.  Now I feel paralyzed, unable to write a post because I am certain readers will not like it as well.  I can’t even think of anything to write about.  Is this really because I got that many Likes?   Or am I using that as a handy excuse because I have finally completely run out of brain?  That sounds a little drastic.  Let’s stick with talking about the Likes.

Full disclosure:  I LOVE getting Likes.  I am grateful for each and every one.  My problem is, I can’t figure out what I did to get them so I can, you know, keep doing it.  I’ll write a post that I think is quite clever, or very funny or maybe a little profound; it gets nada.  I feel a tad bit embarrassed to hit Publish, I get a lot of Likes (for me; I know there are bloggers out there whose likes number in the 100s.  One has to start somewhere).

I can just hear somebody saying, “Just don’t TRY so hard!  Obviously people prefer your spontaneous utterances; they are more honest, more fresh, less labored and formal…”

Well, that is not the case.  I NEVER try very hard when it comes to writing.  I don’t have to.  That’s why I love writing.  Oh well, sometimes I make more effort than others.  Sometimes I edit, change out a word, ponder the best way to put something, even, dare I say, polish a phrase.  When I write something with a plot, of course I work even harder.  But for the blog, I am more often than not composing at the keyboard, seeing what comes out of my fingers.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

And, dammit, why can’t I figure out why it works when it does?

I’ll open up the floor for suggestions.  Comment, if you would like, and tell me what I do right when I do it right, where I go wrong at other times.  Maybe I can learn something.  Or maybe I’ll just keep typing, hitting publish, and wondering why I get Likes when I do.

 

A New Start on Tired Tuesday

Here I sit, on Tired Tuesday, feeling, you know.  Additionally, I fear I am coming down with the same bug which has ailed my husband for two days.  Or my allergies are acting up again.  Or I am just a common or garden dizzy broad (I KNOW which one you think it is) (you know who you are).  Nevertheless, a blog post must be made.  Because I say it does, dammit!

One of my favorite things to do to procrastinate writing my blog post is to read other blogs, many of which handily pop up as soon as I log in to WordPress.  Today I read “Return of the Modern Philosopher” and was encouraged.  This fellow is doing a lot and still progressing on a screenplay!  Additionally, two of the things he does are write a blog and write for a TV show.  Two WRITING things.

What this means for me is, I have to stop coasting.  I can’t just say, “Well, at least I am making my blog post.  That’s writing”  or  “I worked on a letter to a friend”  or  “wrote in the TV Journal.”  I stand by my rule that All Writing Counts.  However, it is clear that no matter what, I can do MORE writing.

In fact, I did try to start a new novel yesterday.  I wrote a few more notes on it today, before my dizziness drove me away from the notebook.  Well, I won’t do that again.  I will just learn how to write when I don’t feel well.  I suppose a few of you are thinking that it is too bad I did not start by making this a better blog post.  Or is that just my inner critic?  No matter.  This is what I typed, this is what I’m posting.

But after I post this,  I shall seek out a pen and paper (my favored medium of composition) and see what I can do.