25-Inch Lame

Can I make my Lame Post Friday post on Friday? I intend to try. But first, can I just point out that my Tablet’s predictive text thingy is very inconsistent? It used to be, when I typed in “Lame,” “Post Friday post” was automatically suggested. Tonight it was not. Then again, “used to be” is a pretty useless thing to say. When somebody else says it, I usually say, “I used to have a 25-inch waistline. Things change!”

Incidentally, it is true that I once had such a small waistline. I do not expect to have one ever again, which will be all right with me. I have other things to worry about.

My waistline was never this small.

I thought I would throw in a picture to pep up the post. This is our skeleton Bonita and her friend Bonaparte. She is dressed n her last year’s summer outfit. She has not dressed for summer yet. Maybe this weekend…

One of my many summer outfits.

I share this picture to show me in the same headband as Bonita’s, not to emphasize my lack of 25-inch waist. I am at Fratello’s Pizzeria in Frankfort, NY, I add in order to give a brief shout-out to a local business.

I see I am over 200 words. Yay! I’m going to call it a blog post and go back to enjoying my Friday.

Is My Mission to Dress as a Drag Queen?

My mission, if I choose to accept it, is to make a Lame Post Friday post on Friday. This tape will self-destruct… That was my little homage to Mission: Impossible, the TV series with Martin Landau, not the movies, which I have the opposite of desire to see.

And that was as far as I got last night. I bet Martin Landau never chose not to accept his mission. I guess that is where he and I differ.

In any case, here I sit on my couch, etc., etc., and I ain’t got much. Later today, my friend, Kim, and I will participate in the Mind Twist Media Arts and Entertainment Expo in Utica, NY. We will be representing Ilion Little Theatre. I spent part of last night figuring out a costume then un-painting and re-painting my toenails so they will match. I plan to wear my drag queen outfit from Fabulous and Fatal, that murder mystery we presented to benefit the Herkimer County Historical Society a few years ago.

I don’t know much about Mind Twist Media or the expo, but I copied the following from the Facebook Event: Artists and entertainers from all over Central New York meet to showcase their art. There will be tattoo artists, tarot readers, cosplayers, authors, film makers, musicians, food trucks, vendors, live glass blowing and chainsaw art demonstrations. Cosplay contest at 4:00, Adults and children’s categories.

The event will take place at 220 Memorial Parkway, Utica, NY, from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Admission is $5, but FREE if you come in costume!

So my blog post veered from lame to plugging a local event. I find that appropriate for a post that started on Friday and ended on Saturday.

In Fact, Most Advice Is Lame

Late Lame Post Friday posts are just going to be a thing. I offer no excuse. For one reason, all the writing advice givers say there is no excuse. Write Just Write, they say. I believe it is good advice, but like all advice, caveats apply. However, since for “caveats” some people read “excuses,” I will offer none of those either.

What will I offer? My favorite Lame Post Friday elements: random observations and half-baked philosophy! Perhaps I should go sit on my front porch so I can actually observe something other than my messy living room or the local news.

Is this an azalea?

Full Disclosure: I did not observe this bush just now. I am still sitting on my couch. I don’t have shoes on, and my husband, Steve, tells me it is chilly outside. This is a picture I took of a neighbor’s lawn sometime last month. I had deleted some pictures from my Media Library in hopes of freeing enough space for an illustrated Pedestrian Post, but WordPress only allowed me to download one new picture. It was rather a sore spot for me.

Another Full Disclosure: my depression is really kicking my butt these days. I always cringe a little when I admit that. I worry that I should just suck it up and not bother others with my problems which are in fact much fewer and smaller that those suffered by others. Then again, depression is a problem for many. If anybody told me they were suffering from depression, I would not, in fact, advise them to suck it up.

Now that I think about it, I am not sure I would offer any advice at all. For one reason, any advice I might give would come with caveats, and that just seems like a lot of trouble. I will give myself a little advice, however. I advise myself to take a walk. Exercise is a potent anti-depressant. It might also make a good blog post.

I Could Have Been Lamer

Since I broke my streak of posting daily by missing Thursday, I thought the least I could do was make my Lame Post Friday post on Friday. So here I am, up later than I usually am, pecking out one letter at a time with the stylus (although sometimes the predictive text thingy helps), and hoping for enough brain power for at least 200 words.

One reason I did not post on Thursday was that we went to Cacciatore’s in Ilion, NY. We had some food and enjoyed music by Matt Grainger. Tonight we went to Dibble’s Inn in Middleville, where we had food and enjoyed music by Phil Arcuri. So we have been musically entertained this week.

Someone may point out that I could, in fact, have made a blog post yesterday, either before or after going out. Come to that, most days I missed posting, I could, in fact, have posted. Oh dear, let us not go down that road of Could Have. I COULD HAVE done all kinds of things! I didn’t!

Now we arrive at a nice bit of half-baked philosophy, and regular readers know I love to indulge in half-baked philosophy on Lame Post Friday. Most of the time, it is a useless and depressing exercise to dwell on What Could Have Been, or more particularly, What I Could Have Done.

It is, at the same time, an almost irresistible temptation to indulge in these repinings. I like to kid myself that it will help me do better next time. This is particularly true of verbal encounters. I think, I should have said thus-and-such! And I treasure up that bon mot for the next time somebody says whatever it was to me. I am trying to remember if such an opportunity has ever arisen. I can’t think of one

However, I did just think of when Could Have is a comforting phrase. Sometimes when I have not done as well as I hoped, I realize that I could have done worse. I missed posting Thursday. I could have missed Monday through Wednesday as well.

I think we can agree that this blog post could have been better and could have been worse. What it is, is over 300 words. I’m going to bed!

Lamest Fast Words

You know, like Famous Last Words. I may have used that title before. I could go back and check, but my Tablet is so slow and I am so lazy. Actually, lazy would make a slow Tablet OK, because I would be just sitting here waiting. As Inigo Montoya said, I hate waiting.

Where was I? Ah yes, making a late Lame Post Friday post. A nice reader commented that she enjoyed Lame Post Friday, then I inconsiderately did not make one the following week. Or was it two weeks? See above paragraph about going back and checking.

I got up earlier than I meant to (stupid insomnia), got dressed to go running, but walked instead. I apparently did something bad to my hip on last Saturday’s run. We may not see another Running Commentary Post for a while.

As I type lame words (pecking one letter at a time with the stylus, as you may have guessed since I mentioned the Tablet), I contemplate my Saturday. Will it be filled with Mohawk Valley Adventures? Will I blog about them? Will pictures be included? A little suspense adds interest to my morning.

I am feeling mildly pleased with myself, because I have posted every day since, correct me if I am wrong, Monday. Were they good posts? Let us not ask for miracles, but thank you for tuning in.

304 Lame Words

I have been missing days and days of posting! When I do nothing, I have nothing to post and feel bad about it. When I do something, I still do not post and feel even worse. What the hell, me?

I thought I could at least manage a Lame Post Friday post. For one reason, it is actually Friday. I know in the recent past I have made Lame Post Friday posts early Saturday morning, so I could congratulate myself that I am ahead of the game. If only I had posted more than once since last week. I could beat myself up about that.

But enough with the beating myself up (and why does autocorrect think “hough” is a word? That is what it put when I left the “e” off “enough”). It does not improve my behavior and it does not burn calories. Why does it not at least burn calories? Life can be so unfair!

This is becoming a rather ridiculous post, even for Lame Post Friday. Every time I make a post about not making a post, I worry that it will be worse than making no post at all. But how can that be? Nobody is obligated to read my posts. People can read it or not as they choose. However, nobody can read a post not written. So there’s that.

There is also this: if I want to be a writer, I need to write. Good posts, bad posts (Oh, what the hell, autocorrect? You change “bad” to “and”? Bad is a word!) (And “wod” is not, so why did you let that stand when I left the “r” out of “word”?) etc.

So here is my latest post, judge it however you choose. But I am approaching 300 words. I am going to call it a win.

Half-Baked, Not Baked, and Not Really Friday

I missed making my Lame Post Friday Post last night, and I confess, my first impulse was to say, “Bag it!” Then I said to myself, “Oh, just go ahead and make a post!” (It is perfectly acceptable to talk to oneself, you know.) For one reason, our laptop is inexplicably working again. After a fashion. As I ten-finger type (I LOVE to ten-finger type!), sometimes the letters do not appear as I type them. I type in a sentence, then wait. It magically appears. Sometimes with typos, but, you know, nobody is perfect.

So I guess I shall just rattle away till I get to 200 words. I am a little pressed for time this morning. We must head to Greenwich, NY for a sad reason, and my husband, Steve, wants to leave around nine. I have been marginally productive thus far: I went for a run, I cooked myself a healthy breakfast, and I wrote my usual post cards. Should I count cooking myself breakfast as being productive? I mean, I usually do eat; it is kind of a given. Like taking a shower (I would hope washing is a given for everyone, although I know it is not). I shaved my legs in the shower. That is not a given. Some people would say that is Too Much Information, but I get very annoyed when they tell me that. Would that mean it is Too Much Information for me when you tell me I have given you Too Much Information? Points to ponder.

And I just remembered: Lame Post Friday is the proper home of Half-Baked Philosophy! So a Point to Ponder is highly appropriate. I have another: Can I still count this as a Lame Post Friday Post when I am clearly posting on Saturday morning and, in fact, my Half-Baked Philosophy has come from my Saturday morning activities? That one is too complicated for me. Better let it bake a little longer.

Oh dear, I just remembered that when people smoke pot, they call it getting baked. I am not a pot smoker (not that there is anything wrong with it, I just don’t). I hope no pot smokers feel I am usurping their nomenclature. Or is it cultural appropriation? Another point to ponder.

Lame Post IN the Morning ON Saturday

I tell you, it is a whole different perspective. I am sitting in the chair instead of on the couch, pecking at the Tablet with a stylus pen I was lucky enough to find (I have mislaid both actual styluses and all the other stylus pens), sipping tea, and hoping nobody minds that I did not post on Thursday. I was actually hoping nobody would notice but felt compelled to mention it, being me. Even I could not hope my readers would not notice.something I actually mentioned.

Tea does not have as much caffeine as coffee, by the way. A friend read me the amounts from a drug studies book many years ago. An acquaintance (she passed for a friend at the time) once said, “Oh, no. You can do only one or two dunks of the tea bag, that’s all!” How scientific: one or two dunks. An example of people thinking they know things for no particular reason.

I seem to be getting bogged down, but since this is my Late Lame Post Friday Post, I will continue to sludge through.

The first paragraph raised two questions in my mind. The first: why does one sit in a chair but on a couch? One can sit on a chair, but that usually refers to one of the wooden variety. I occupy a nice cushy living room chair (see what I did there?). “In” seems appropriate. However, couches are nice and cushy, too. Why do I not sit in a couch? Right now I do not because my husband, Steve, is there, sound asleep, by the way.

One might argue that Steven should be IN bed. Ooh, this one makes sense: you sit ON a bed, usually on top of the covers and try not to mess them up. You sleep IN a bed, nicely snuggled under the covers.

That was a delightful discussion, for me anyways. I will just mention my second question: what is the proper plural of styluses? My autocorrect wanted to change it to “stylized.” As usual in these disagreements, I prevailed.

I have finished my tea. Perhaps I should get on with my Saturday.

Another Stroll Down Memory Lame

Hello and welcome to another Late Lame Post Friday post. I started to post something yesterday, but it was dumb. I saved it, in case I can return to it later and un-dumb it, but for now I gave it up. I wonder if the coffee is ready.

Well, here is an aggravating discovery. Not everything is saved in my Media Library. Before I returned to making this post, I looked at my On This Day in Facebook. I saw a blog post featuring a wonderful picture of the Little Falls Theatre (LiFT) production of The Tempest. Regular readers may remember I referenced that play in Thursday’s post. Which was also late. Oh dear.

Kids these days!

Since I tempted you with The Tempest (see what I did there?), I returned to the disgraced Media Library and found another picture. It is not as fabulous as the other one. For one reason, I am not in it (I definitely flatter myself that time). The above photo is Prospera, right, telling her daughter, Miranda, the facts of life.

A backstage shot.

I might as well run with the Tempest theme and re-share the pictures I have. I forget these two characters’ names, but they were not nice to my character. In real life they were pretty awesome.

“Stay Shakespeare, my friends.”

I close with my friend Tucker impersonating The Most Interesting in the World. I think Tucker could give that guy a run for his money.

I guess I am coming up with a lot of reasons to re-visit the past: Wayback Wednesday, Throwback Thursday, and now Memory Lame. I need to start having some new adventures!

Lame Is As Lame Does

Have I used that title before? No matter. I typed it in and it stays. This is my sadly usual late Lame Post Friday post. I make no apologies but merely mention it in the interests of accuracy.

I have not had coffee yet but I think my lovely husband Steven is getting me some now. And, yes, I call him lovely largely because of the coffee. Ahh yes, here it is: the magic elixir that makes morning possible.

As I type this (one letter at a time with the stylus; I really must get a new laptop) (I certainly am a stickler for accuracy this morning), I contemplate the day ahead. I really want to do something other than sit around and watch movies. Of course that is a pleasant way to spend a Saturday or any available day, but today I want something more.

Here is a funny thing I add for entertainment purposes: when I typed in “that is a” my predictive text suggested ” horrifying thought.” I find that highly amusing. One woman’s pleasant is another’s horrifying thought. I can think of a few horrifying thoughts but will strive to stay positive.

My positive thought for this morning is that I will find something blogworthy to do today. Yes, I have a history of writing posts on arguably non-blogworthy subjects. However, I am no hand at argument. On the brighter side: I am over 200 words. Bring on Saturday!