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I Left Out Play Solitaire

On the brighter side, it has been a long time since I had a really bad headache.  On the dimmer side, well, here I am on Thursday morning, typing in my Wednesday post.  I actually wrote something Wednesday morning.  It kind of took a turn, so I was not going to use it, but now I find it appropriate.  We can either call it Mid-Week Middle-aged Musings or, perhaps more appropriately, Wuss-out Wednesday.

I must write my update on Brainstorming the Bard.  It might serve as inspiration for me to get my act together and perhaps as comfort to other disorganized people, that they are not alone or even the worst.

Alas, it is not only lack of organization that plagues me.  It is the paralysis of will that I fear is a symptom of my depression. In short, I am finding it damn difficult to do ANYTHING.

I get up in the morning, feeling rather ill-used about it, but most of us are used to that.  I get to work and manage to function (my job is not difficult).  I go home and sometimes manage a chore or two (Just Do One Thing is my meager motto).  But all I really want to do is sit, stare into space, maybe read a book, do a puzzle, crochet or knit while watching a true crime show.

At least the last mentioned  will eventually result in an object that may be useful to someone, but these are not activities that will help me reach any of my life goals.

That is when I stopped writing and began to work on a puzzle, till it was time to go to work.  And now I am over 250 words, so I have that going for me.  That is a thing I have been saying lately.  As in tomorrow’s Friday, so I have that going for me.  Ah, I feel a wave of optimism coming over me:  in truth, I have a lot of things going for me.  Full disclosure:  this reflection does not always help.  As I may have mentioned before, sometimes when I think of all the good things in my life, it makes me feel worse, because how can I dare feel depressed, ungrateful wretch that I am.  Today, I feel grateful.  I think it is going to be a good day.  I will try to blog about it tonight, if my headache doesn’t come back.

 

2 responses »

  1. I think you and I are a lot alike. You could be describing my days here. I have finally decided to give myself a break and not be productive all of the time. It’s good for the sanity!

    Reply

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