Sorry, kids, but I feel like crap. I’m going to give you a brief overview of my day, whine about my ills, and hit Publish. That was your warning. If you don’t want to listen to me whine, STOP READING NOW!! SAVE YOURSELF! (That last said in a sweeping dramatic tone with gesture, like the character in the disaster movie who sacrifices herself for others.) (I’m either taking myself pretty seriously here or else I’m being silly. You decide.)
I started this morning with Coffee and Conversation with a Cop at the First Baptist Church in Herkimer, NY. This worthwhile community endeavor has been going on for a whole year now, and I support it wholeheartedly. I intend to write a longer blog post about it. I had intended to do so today, but, well, shit happens.
Having eaten sweet yummy stuff at the church but not had breakfast, I was feeling a little upset of stomach. I went home and had eggs, thinking protein would counteract the sugar. I guess it helped marginally.
I left the house shortly before noon, headed for Ilion Little Theatre (ILT). I understood that people would be working on the set for Lunch Hour starting at noon. Lunch Hour, I believe I mentioned, is the first official offering of the ILT 2015-16 season. I am stage manager. Rehearsals have started and are going very well. I chatted with the director about how well things are going, gave my opinion about a couple of set pieces under consideration, and other than that was not a whole lot of help.
That was when I started to feel like crap. The lightheadedness that has plagued me lately came back. I couldn’t handle it. I went home. After visiting with Steven when he came home for lunch (poor soul has to work most Saturdays), I took a nap.
And some more stupid stuff happened after I awoke, but never mind that now. I am slowly becoming more open about admitting that I suffer from depression. On the one hand, I think it is a good idea to become more open about these things, take away the stigma of mental illness, and encourage each other to seek help. On the other hand, sometimes it feels like I am whining, asking for sympathy that I don’t necessarily deserve (although who can say what one truly deserves? I’m asking seriously: who makes these rules? I’d like a word with them), or possibly seeking excuses to get less done than I might otherwise.
All that said, my depression has been making itself felt in full force for some time now. Before I began this post, all I wanted to write was, “I am too depressed to write a post today.” And look, I’m over 400 words. I think I shall feel happy about that. I hope you are all enjoying your Saturday.