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Scattered but Sick Saturday

Sorry, kids, but I feel like crap.  I’m going to give you a brief overview of my day, whine about my ills, and hit Publish.  That was your warning.  If you don’t want to listen to me whine, STOP READING NOW!!  SAVE YOURSELF!   (That last said in a sweeping dramatic tone with gesture, like the character in the disaster movie who sacrifices herself for others.) (I’m either taking myself pretty seriously here or else I’m being silly. You decide.)

I started this morning with Coffee and Conversation with a Cop at the First Baptist Church in Herkimer, NY.  This worthwhile community endeavor has been going on for a whole year now, and I support it wholeheartedly.  I intend to write a longer blog post about it. I had intended to do so today, but, well, shit happens.

Having eaten sweet yummy stuff at the church but not had breakfast, I was feeling a little upset of stomach.  I went home and had eggs,  thinking protein would counteract the sugar.  I guess it helped marginally.

I left the house shortly before noon, headed for Ilion Little Theatre (ILT).  I understood  that people would be working on the set for Lunch Hour starting at noon.  Lunch Hour, I believe I mentioned, is the first official offering of the ILT 2015-16 season.  I am stage manager.  Rehearsals have started and are going very well.  I chatted with the director about how well things are going, gave my opinion about a couple of set pieces under consideration, and other than that was not a whole lot of help.

That was when I started to feel like crap.  The lightheadedness that has plagued me lately came back.  I couldn’t handle it.  I went home.  After visiting with Steven when he came home for lunch (poor soul has to work most Saturdays), I took a nap.

And some more stupid stuff happened after I awoke, but never mind that now.  I am slowly becoming more open about admitting that I suffer from depression.  On the one hand, I think it is a good idea to become more open about these things, take away the stigma of mental illness, and encourage each other to seek help.  On the other hand, sometimes it feels like I am whining, asking for sympathy that I don’t necessarily deserve (although who can say what one truly deserves?  I’m asking seriously: who makes these rules? I’d like a word with them), or possibly seeking excuses to get less done than I might otherwise.

All that said, my depression has been making itself felt in full force for some time now.  Before I began this post, all I wanted to write was, “I am too depressed to write a post today.”  And look, I’m over 400 words.  I think I shall feel happy about that.  I hope you are all enjoying your Saturday.


4 responses »

  1. I’ve been having a September full of sighs plus some recent doings have been making me ill. All the weather things seem to affect the water around here(being on an island surrounded by the ocean is not good for my seasickness). Tide must be rising and the supermoon will be here soon too. I know if I didn’t have such a days, I wouldn’t recognize good days. Who knows? There could be a best day tomorrow (unless the best passed then I’ll need to remember them). Reboot every day because it is a new day.

    I like reading your posts even when you feel like you’re floating away.Take care and thanks!

    New Living Translation Isaiah 41:10
    Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.-yay God is good!

    • Good quote! I’m trying to remember to rest in the Lord, because my problems are too great for me to solve on my own. And you are so right about every day being a new day. A new chance for me to do the right thing and be the person I could be. I hope you have your best day ever today, tomorrow and more.

  2. I’m right there with you when it comes to depression as you know. Remember a Positive though every morning.


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